shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
