i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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