Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
whose parrot is this?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
