sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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