Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
