i need an iv and a liver transplant
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
