I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
