Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
