I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
