It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
