I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
