take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
