I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
