Do you still have your period?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
