I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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