I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
