if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
