Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
