neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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