4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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