you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
