I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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