is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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