Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
