i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
