i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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