She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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