If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
