Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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