i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
