I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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