im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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