Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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