I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
this will be a night to untag.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
