chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My pussy is not your playground.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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