I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
