it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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