I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
