apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
