I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
