So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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