just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
