i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
