Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
