I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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