we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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