if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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