I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Found your dick twin last night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
