My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
