he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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