I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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