i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All the doctor said was why
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize