How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
