he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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