I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize