Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
