your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
