Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
