I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
