I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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