So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
