I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
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Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My ATM looks so different sober.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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