dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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