Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
